Tuesday, March 25, 2008

a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

the day begins like any other recent day- hitting snooze 4 times before falling out of bed, bleary-eyed, and bed-head so bad i look like an 8 year-old boy...
i get myself ready and make the trek to the hospital (gag) in the freezing weather. i make my way up to the doctor's office to sign in, where i'm told my appointment is not scheduled for 9am like i thought, but for 12:15 (they manage to squeeze me in early, thankfully).
come to find out, i need more (try, 3rd) surgery on my itty bitty wrist. damn bone won't heal, so i have to settle for an invasive (bone grafts and screws and all) surgery to insure usage of my wrist in the future. from that lovely little chat, i head downstairs (into the depths of squallor-ridden hell) to wait (for an hour in an over-crowded waiting room with stinky ass people) to get my labs done- i.e. blood drawn and urine specimen. then, i walk to work in the chilly wind while trying not to burst into tears. all i want to do is call my mom, but i can't because my phone was shut off. i can't even get a delicious triple shot vanilla latte and blueberry muffin from Flat Black because... i have no money! so, i get to work, limping in all my glory... work goes fairly well the whole day until the early evening rolls around. dinner for the office is ordered from CPK and when it gets here, shocker! they forgot my salad. so, i leave work "early" (7:30pm) and limp home crying.

"i think i'll move to australia"...

Sunday, March 23, 2008

which way is Tir na nOg?

my hair is falling out with every handfull i inch closer to the day i don't recognize my own face in the mirror i marvel at how the past ten years have passed like (the snap of my fingers) it seems a lifetime and it seems a blink things i've learned and places i've gone float inside my head faceless and nameless i have memory of the past and no hope for the future i don't know what i did wrong how i ended up where i am my life isn't bad but it's not what i expected life is sink or swim we must do for ourselves come hell or highwater.... but i never had swimming lessons

because D.H Lawrence says so

"i never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
a small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself."

"i am not sure i would always fight for my life.
life might not be worth fighting for.

i am not sure i would always fight for my wife.
a wife isn't always worth fighting for.

nor my children, nor my country, nor my fellow men.
it all depends whether i found them worth fighting for.

the only thing men invariably fight for
is their money. but i doubt if i'd fight for mine,
anyhow not to shed a lot of blood over it.

yet one thing i do fight for, tooth and nail, all the time.
and that is my bit of inward peace, where i am
at one with myself.

and i must say, i am often worsted."

"danny boy"

"Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes, are calling
from glen to glen, and down the mountain side.
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying;
'Tis you, 'tis you must go, and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow,
or when the valley's hushed and white with snow.
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow.
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying,
and I'm dead, as dead I well may be,
you'll come and find the place where I am lying
and kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me.
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be,
if you'll not fail to tell me that you love me,
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me."

Sunday, March 16, 2008

"a song to sing when i'm lonely..."

"middle of nowhere"- hot hot heat, "young ned of the hill"- the pogues, "happy little boozer"- korpiklaani, "hail H.I.M"- burning spear, "very well"- wailing souls, "the wind cries mary"- jimi hendrix, "shotgun serenade"- the juliana theory, "golden age"- beck, "break free"- dave matthews band, "we're gonna be friends"- the white stripes, "a song for you"- michael buble, "live here with you"- dusty springfield, "i want you to want me"- dwight yoakam, "some girls do"- sawyer brown, "friendship"- tenacious d, "craig"- stephen lynch, "raver"- steel pulse, "hook"- blues traveler, "the dark don't hide it"- magnolia electric co., "on the radio"- regina spektor, "nobody told me"- john lennon, "i'm no angel"- gregg allman, "stop the train"- peter tosh & friends, "mother mary blues"- bright light fever, "little tiny moustache"- stephen lynch, "springdance"- korpiklaani, "bastards on parade"- dropkick murphys, "baby girl"- sugarland, "passenger seat"- shedaisy, "leave the pieces"- the wreckers, "this one's for the girls"- martina mcbride, "mother's little helper"- the rolling stones, "short song for a short mind"- girls in hawaii, "happy kid"- nada surf, "the great escape"- boys like girls, "back where i come from"- kenny chesney, "new strings"- miranda lambert, "wasted"- carrie underwood, "california"- kenny chesney, "gone country"- alan jackson, "family tradition"- hank williams jr., "she's eveything"- brad paisley, "the raggle taggle gypsy"- the waterboys, "let's steal everything"- world inferno friendship society, "tight squeeze"- the expendibles, "music my rock"- bedouin soundclash, "mondo bongo"- joe strummer & the mescaleros, "reborn"- the living end, "green hell"- pepper, "el scorcho"- weezer, "the zephyr song"- red hot chili peppers, "secret"- howie day, "evening on the ground"- iron & wine, "ragoo"- kings of leon, "news and tributes"- the futureheads, "i sowed love and reaped a heartache"- james carr, "boys from county hell"- the pogues, "pirate song"- go betty go, "forever and ever amen"- randy travis, "i used to love him"- lauryn hill ft mary j blige, "viens avec moi"- devotchka, "what do you do"- the proclaimers, "nowhere man"- the beatles, "baby come back"- player, "step into the light"- darren hayes, "it girl"- brian jonestown massacre, "pushing the sense"- feeder, "wait"- ben kweller, "so long serotonin"- tyler jakes, "in my life"- the beatles, "where we gonna go from here"- mat kearney, "shy"- ani difranco, "emergency"- paramore, "rainbow road"- percy sledge

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

i love pictures... a thousand words and so much more.

... on a sad note...

i found out last night that a guy i went to college with- he was in my class - died last weekend at the age of 27.

he was in arkansas running a marathon and after he crossed the finish line, he collapsed and died... he was in peak physical condition.

if this doesn't make you thank God every morning for another day of life, and inspire you to live every one like it's your last, I know know what does...

RIP: Adam Nickel.