Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Playlist for all you Goiter lovers:

"Where Have All the Goiters Gone?" - Paula Hole
"Rock the Goiter" - The Gash
"Enter Goiter" - Metallichuh
"Our Goiter Are Sealed" - The No-Nos
"Bad Goiter Rising" - Heedence Murkwater Revival
"Star-Spangled Goiter" - Francis Snot Key
"Shipping Up to Goiter" - The Dropkick Slurpees
"Start Wearing Goiter" - Gurgle Bordello
"Dream the Impossible Goiter" - Robert Boulet
"All Along the Goiter" - Jimi Hiemlich
"Hit Me Goiter, One More Time" - Ditsy Smears
"With a Little Help From My Goiter" - The Peetles
"Will the Real Slim Goiter Please Stand Up" - Sluminem
"Like a Rhinestone Goiter" - Glen Dumpbell
"I've Got the World On A Goiter" - Stank Ginatra
"Don't You Wish Your Goiter Was Hot Like Me?" - The Fussycat Molls

Monday, December 29, 2008

California Christmas

Well, after an insane New England trek through the elements to Logan, I managed to get to the Coast with minimal hassle, and into the CA sunlight by 3pm.

9 days goes by soooooo fast. it was amazing to not have to go to work, although it didn't really register. the lumpy mattress on the hide-a-bed i shared with brosef, which prolly dates back to the early 80s, was less than accomodating and highly uncomfortable. toss in some mexican food induced gastro-intestinal fireworks, and voila!

we hit up D-land, and me and Rasket rented motorized carts for our "conditions". it was beyond rad. i only wished that they could have gone 30 mph! i couldn't believe how many hideous folks were out and about... it was atonishing. eesh.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Heart of Mine (Peter Salett)

Do you want to know
If everything glittering
Will turn into the gold
I see in your hair
I feel it could be there
Somehow, tonight

And do you want to find
Something worth saving
The change would do me right
Cause I've been just waiting
And hesitating
With this heart of mine

You're still a mystery
But there's something so easy
In how you're sweet to me
I feel completed
Like it's something I needed
For this heart of mine

There's always something so tragic
About a hopeless romantic

So though we cannot know
If everything glittering
Will turn into the gold
I'm through with waiting
And hesitating
I want you taking
This heart of mine
Heart of mine
Heart of mine

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Sunday, December 7, 2008

My Party

James McAvoy

Jim Sturgess

Alexander Skarsgard

simon baker

karl urban

gerard butler

heath ledger

keanu reeves

viggo mortensen

gaspard ulliel

jamie dornan

robert downey jr.

aurelien rougerie

robert pattinson

Sunday, November 30, 2008

"Democrats on an Escalator"



Ok, so, I have to admit that I am a fan of the book series. I love, love the characters and the way Stephanie Meyer constructs the Twilight universe. While I love the story between Bella and Edward, Jacob Black is my favorite character (with Charlie Swan pulling a close second).

Against my better judgment I went to see the movie, and was not only disappointed, but shocked. I thought that with the director of "Thirteen" and "Lords of Dogtown" at the helm that this movie would have some of the grit and "real-ness" that the Twilight movie needed to convey more than a CW-esque take on such a great story.

The casting was another jolt. Most of the actors I thought were great (Bella, Edward, Charlie, Mike Newton, Jessica, Alice), others so-so (Jacob Black- I hoping the young actor will step up in the coming sequel, Emmet, Renee, Esme), and some just plain "what were they thinking?!" (Rosalie, Jasper, Carlisle, the Nomad Vamps). Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have a chemistry, it's true, but I feel that the ineptness of other characters taints the integrity of the movie as a whole. I was constantly irritated by the presence of Carlisle and Jasper (who is definitely not played as the James Dean like character described in the book), two characters who are supposed to have a comforting and appeasing effect on others, but came across as forced and phony. Rosalie and Emmet were slightly less irritating- I never pictured Rosalie as a snotty brat or Emmet as a meathead frat boy. I was just plain annoyed at the choice of James (the villain) who they played as a 6-packed blonde pony-tailed beefcake rather than an average-looking predator with a touch of sadism.

The whole movie just seemed so rushed and contrived, and it put so much emphasis on the viewer believing the "I'd rather die than be without you" aspect of Bella & Edward's relationship that they didn't show us why they are so right for each other. There were efforts at humor (moments that were easy and effortless in the book), some of which worked, others that fell flat. There was, for the most part, a simbiance between text and screenplay, with minor plot differences (yes, it would take way too much screen time to relate the story scene for scene).

I would have waited a few additional months (maybe I'm the only one) for extra time spent on believable special effects and vampire-ness. The way the on-screen Cullens and Nomads spoke, moved, and behaved was not any different than characters on a nighttime teen drama. Yes, they are supposed to be integrated with the Forks community, but they are also obviously different and set apart. Moreover, when they are at home, and in the clearing, they are supposed to be at ease and most vampirey, all of which came across as campy and corny.

I really hope that they step it up for the next movie "New Moon". I'm excited to see the development of Jacob's character and his relationship with Bella. Here's for hoping...

Monday, November 17, 2008


Soooo... what is the deal with this show? It was doing so well season one and most of season two, but this season, they're getting too esoteric and discombobulated for their own good (the writers, that is). Jumping from one plot to another and back again, and then over to something completely different. *Sigh*

I hope they clean this up so it resembles the kick ass show it once was...

"Samson" - Regina Spektor

"You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first."

Monday, November 10, 2008

the wheels on the T go 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round...

i'm sitting on the T, riding home after a long, tense day at the office, and the music screeching from the I-pod headphones of the girl next to me was loud enough to hurt my ears.

it amazes me that her ears were not pouring blood, the music was deafening.

Bond. James Bond.

yes. yes he is.

of the moment...

theme song: "i'm only sleeping" - the beatles
tv: VH1 Classic
band: arctic monkeys
drink: tea
word: "travesty"
hotspot: my couch
luxury: netflix
irritant: back pain and T-riders (it's a tie)
concern: democratic agendas
love song: "just like heaven" - the cure

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

"Rock n Rolla"

So, I'm thinking this moving might be lacking in a major way... But there is one thing that might be its saving grace:

mmm... yes.

"Suffocation En Masse" (an Ode to the T by Esmerelda Villalobos)

Little mice scurry across the tracks
dodging, darting
hurry hurry, little mouse,
the train, itsa comin'.

The big silver box comes
clickety clacking
at a top speed of
2 miles per hour.

Fifteen minutes we've been waiting,
and the cars are overflowing.
Squeeze, push, cram
yourselves into the lack of space.

"Excuse me, sir, I dont mean to be rude,
but if you dont stop breathing on my face,
I'm going to be sick."

Leaning, swaying, pushing,
the train jerks and stops and goes
like a mean little rumba
dancing over the Charles.

Let me out.
I'm going to scream.
If you don't fit, push.
I think tomorrow I'll walk.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

jukebox in my mind

"might makes right" - camper van beethoven... "boys from county hell" - the pogues
"beastslayer of valenar" - diego's umbrella... "good friend your hunger" - castanets
"9 in the afternoon" - panic! at the disco... "springdance" - korpiklaani
"baby got back" - jonathan coulton... "fall down lightly" - VHS or BEHTA
"streetlights" - the view... "nightly things" - begushkin
"ice dogs" - man man... "middle of nowhere" - hot hot heat
"400 bucks" - reverend horton heat... "love is the drug" - roxy music
"soma" - the strokes... "if you leave" - OMD
"start me up" - the rolling stones... "do you wanna dance?" - the ramones
"sing me spanish techno" - the new pornographers... "505" - arctic monkeys
"my good gal" - OCMS... "wake up and go beserk" - mogwai
"the great escape" - boys like girls... "forever in the west" - white light riot
"20th of april" - oysterband... "strange love" - depeche mode
"gone away" - the offspring... "be without you" - mary j. blige
"rain dogs" - tom waits... "follow me up to carlow" - the young dubliners
"start wearing purple" - gogol bordello... "ignition (remix)" - r. kelly
"you" - lloyd... "whistles the wind" - flogging molly
"dreaming with a broken heart"- john mayer... "until the end of time" - justin timberlake
"open up" - dispatch... "hitchin' a ride" - green day
"alright" - supergrass... "lump" - presidents of the united states of america
"friendship" - tenacious d... "karate" - kennedy
"permanent" - acceptance... "hook" - blues traveler

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

mental playlist - part one

"rifles" - black rebel motorcycle club... "wagon wheel" - old crow medicine show
"true love way" - kings of leon... "obstacles 1" - interpol
"samson" - regina spektor... "she dont use jelly"- the flaming lips
"irish" - tonic... "dareh meyod" - OAR
"in the garage" - weezer... "flourescent adolescent" - the arctic monkeys
"like herod" - mogwai... "under control" - the strokes
"waltz for aidan" - mogwai... "a little more time" - zox
"dance dance christa paffgen" - anberlin... "full moon cigarette" - gran bel fisher
"more today than yesterday" - diana ross... "afternoon tea" - the kinks
"the killing moon" - echo and the bunnymen... "kyrie" - mister mister
"moore street girls" - the elders... "rocky road to dublin" - the young dubliners
"rock & roll queen"- the subways... "with you in mind" - aaron neville
"rainbow road" - percy sledge... "it's no good" - depeche mode
"clear spot" - the pernice brothers... "secret" - howie day
"bonnie lass of anglesy" - tempest... "home" - michael buble
"drink to moving on" - grand national... "find a new way" - young love
"did it all for you" - the tossers... "grounds for divorce"- elbow
"don't stop" - inner party system... "cannibal queen" - miniature tigers
"dark blue" - jack's mannequin... "brooklyn is burning" - head automatica
"in other words" - ben kweller... "sunship balloons" - the flaming lips

"here it is, your moment of zen"

wow. it is amazing how fast time flies when routine consumes your life. i've turned 27, gone to an octoberfest, survived my one year anniversary, had bfs come visit me in Beantown, and watched the Sox implode in the playoffs...

The Election looms ahead, and it remains a decision to vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich... partisan politics aside, neither one will fulfill a single campaign promise. guaranteed. the first term will be spent a) doing damage control and b) preparing for re-election. tax cuts? alternative fuel sources? healthcare? withdrawing troops from Iraq? not. gonna. happen. when will Americans learn that politicians are not to be trusted? we bitch and moan about issues, yet do we realize that not only do they speak out of both sides of their mouths, but their hands are so deep into the pockets of special interests and they owe so many people, that actual progress will never happen. never. not as long as politicians run the government and Americans remain complacent in the status quo. change will only come when we put aside our addiction to luxury, and learn to live like the rest of world. we need to climb down from our ivory tower and earn some street cred, babies.


so, for now, I raise a glass and take a deep draught while i can still afford it...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

the power of one... ja, absoloodle

One of the best blery books I've read. Takes place 1935 ish to 1952ish. Story of a young boy born English in a Boer South Africa. He is a child of Africa. He can speak English, Afrikaans, Zulu, Fanagalo, Shangaan. I've listed my favorite passages and tidbits in sequential order from the book...

"In the matter of white man's punishment, the black people already understand that the body can be broken by a sjambok but never the spirit. We are the earth, that is why we are the color of the earth. In the end it is the earth who will win, every African knows this."

"... in each of us there burns a flame of independence that must never be allowed to go out. That as long as it exists within us we cannot be destroyed."

"First with the head and then with the heart."

"Pride is holding your head up when everyone around you has theirs bowed. Courage is what makes you do it."

"It is better to be wrong than simply to follow convention. If you are wrong, no matter, you have learned something and you will grow stronger. If you are right, you have taken another step toward a fulfilling life."

(the funniest bit) "...wouldn't be worth a cardboard boot..."

"When a man knows somebody cares, he keeps some small place, a corner maybe of his soul, clean and lit."

"According to Miss Bornstein..."

"Man is a romantic at heart and will always put aside dull, plodding reason for the excitement of an enigma. As Doc had pointed out, mystery, not logic, is what gives us hope and keeps us believing in a force greater than our own insignificance."

the People

"The power of one was based on the courage to remain separate, to think through to the truth, and not to be beguiled by convention or the plausible arguments of those who expect to maintain power."

Mayibuye Afrika

Thanks to Bryce Courtenay and his boetie Peekay.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

country roads

Almost heaven, west virginia
Blue ridge mountains
Shenandoah river -
Life is old there
Older than the trees
Younger than the mountains
Growin like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

All my memories gathered round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrops in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelin
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
Take me home, now country roads
Take me home, now country roads

Friday, August 22, 2008

ode to the end of summer

hardly believing it's already the end of August. the Olympics come to a close soon, and i've just discovered absolut ruby red and tonic with a lime...

i have LOVED watching the Olympics this year, although they've cut considerably into my beauty sleep. ready for the michael phelps enema to be over, so other athletes can have a crack at the spotlight. yes, yes, he's great. we get it.

my personal favorites would have to be:
misty may and kerri walsh (of course!)- riveting and dominant as always

aaron piersol- i want one

nastia liukin- so graceful she makes it look like a cakewalk

shawn johnson- can i adopt her?

usain bolt- a. maze. ing.

clayton stanley- in your face!

my fave flick from the 80s...

Back to the Future * Say Anything
The Lost Boys * Adventures in Babysitting
16 Candles * Aliens
Pump Up the Volume * Poltergeist
Ladyhawke * Beetlejuice
Road Warrior * Crocodile Dundee
Red Sonya * Top Gun
Dune * Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
This Is Spinal Tap * Die Hard
Valley Girl * Dead Poet's Society
Young Guns * Earth Girls Are Easy
The Shining * Spaceballs
Terminator * Willow
Who Framed Roger Rabbit * The Goonies
Troop Beverly Hills * A Fish Called Wanda
Ghostbusters * My Stepmother Is An Alien
The Hitcher * Outsiders
Raiders of the Lost Ark * Platoon
Labyrinth * Land Before Time
Killer Clowns From Outer Space (hence the coulrophobia)
Neverending Story * Princess Bride
Private Benjamin * Raising Arizona
Legend * Romancing the Stone

Friday, August 15, 2008

howdie doodle


life is good. moved. got promoted. good weather.

this year has been so up and down- i've felt life unravel, spiraling out of control and in flames; i've felt joy and happiness and contentment. let's hope the latter sticks :)

"your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. who looks outside, dreams. who looks inside, awakens."
-- carl jung

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

thank you, anita.

thank you anita o'donnell. thank you for your life and for your spirit. thank you for your energy and your gusto. you will be missed tremendously.

rest in peace, sparkie :)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

just an ordinary day.

so i'm sitting on the futon trying to eat nasty, tasteless lentil soup and yummy Iggy's onion foccaccia, and it's just not working. so, i ditched the soup and stuck to the carbs :)

not much is happening here. i'm exhausted from this past weekend and have yet to catch up on my sleep... no food in the house which is awesome, so i have to scrounge or buy food with the money i dont have. damnable living paycheck to paycheck!


a funny thing happened on the way home from work yesterday: a crazy man was walking behind me yelling obscenities at the top of his lungs, and another man was following him yelling "he's shitting on the presidents' faces! he won't stop SHITTING ON THE PRESIDENTS' FACES!!!" and i'm walking as fast as i can just to get away from them. sheesh. it started pouring after that which was way cool. it was nice and warm out and big fat raindrops just started falling like crazy and i was soaking wet by the time i got home :)

*sigh* that about covers it...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

rainy daze

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'
So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'
But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

Sunday, May 18, 2008

may you...

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

"Different But the Same" by my new fave: Ben Kweller

There's no time to phone home when you're
Racing your own time.
We contemplate, you gotta wait your own turn.
Up the noise, with some poison with great poise.
You can't compare it to...
Or let it scare you through...
If every thing you do is not as smoothly as we planned.

You gotta understand there is more for you.
But all you gotta do is put yourself with the people,
They're the ones who make the world spin.
Lust in favor, you can win.

And you'll take home the gold medallion
And ride the wobbly wave of fame.
That is why you came

To your senses to feel it out
And try to kill off every doubt.
Your mother worries but no one worries quite like you,
And when you start you must rely on your own heart.
'Cause nothing works the same
or takes the blame or wins the game
with your head in your hands in the pouring rain.
I wanna see you as you are
Like a lonely star.

There is more for you.
But all you gotta do is put yourself with the people,
They're the ones who make the world spin.
Lust in favor, you can win.

And you'll take home the gold medallion
And ride the wobbly wave of fame.
That is why you came

You gotta be strong, you gotta teach your son
How to stand up straight when you want to run,
How to care and love, how to be yourself,
To be different but the same.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

the simple joys of maidenhood

Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Where are all those adoring, daring boys?

Where's the knight pining so for me

He leaps to death in woe for me?

Oh, where are a maiden's simple joys?

Shan't I have the normal life a maiden should?

Shall I never be rescued in the wood?

Shall two knights never tilt for me

And let their blood be spilt for me?

Oh, where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Shall I not be on a pedestal

Worshipped and competed for?

Not be carried off, or better st'll

Cause a little war?

Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

Are those sweet, gentle pleasures gone for good?

Shall a feud not begin for me?

Shall kith not kill their kin for me?

Oh, where are the trivial joys

Harmless, convivial joys

Where are the simple joys of maidenhood?

oh, how I love "Camelot"...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

the lovely month of May

ok, so it's not quite May, but the trees blossoming on revere st and the 83 degrees says itsa comin'!!! the weather is almost nice enough to make me forget neither of my "best friends" in CA have written or called... almost :)

things are going well. i have a spring in my step (quite literally) and air through my hair and my worries seemingly under control! hooray for miracles!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

i've got a fever, and the only prescription is...

... more cowbell.

so, i seem to have made it through my latest surgery with flying colors. i guess we'll test that theory when i see the doc on tuesday. my hand only hurts now off & on, but i can't tell how many stitches or how big the scar will be 'cause my whole arm is wrapped in gauze and ace bandage-y lookin things.

on another note, the weather in the Hub has taken a beautiful turn :) sunshine, breeze, music playing out apartment windows, capri-wearing joggers and assorted pedestrians...


Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Lady of Shalott

On either side of the river lie
Long fields of barley and of rye,
That clothe the world and meet the sky;
And thro' the field the road run by
To many-towered Camelot;
And up and down the people go,
Gazing where the lilies blow
Round an island there below,
The island of Shalott.

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Thro' the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four grey walls, and four grey towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers
The Lady of Shalott.

Only reapers, reaping early,
In among the bearded barley
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly
Down to tower'd Camelot;
And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers "'tis the fairy
The Lady of Shalott."

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay,
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

And moving through a mirror clear
That hangs before her all the year,
Shadows of the world appear.
There she sees the highway near
Winding down to Camelot;
And sometimes thro' the mirror blue
The Knights come riding two and two.
She hath no loyal Knight and true,
The Lady Of Shalott.

But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror's magic sights,
For often thro' the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights
And music, went to Camelot;
Or when the Moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed.
"I am half sick of shadows," said
The Lady Of Shalott.

A bow-shot from her bower-eaves,
He rode between the barley sheaves,
The sun came dazzling thro' the leaves,
And flamed upon the brazen greaves
Of bold Sir Lancelot.
A red-cross knight for ever kneel'd
To a lady in his shield,
That sparkled on the yellow field,
Beside remote Shalott.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow'd
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode back to Camelot.
From the bank and from the river
he flashed into the crystal mirror,
"Tirra Lirra," by the riverSang Sir Lancelot.

She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces taro' the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She looked down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror cracked from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.

In the stormy east-wind straining,
The pale yellow woods were waning,
The broad stream in his banks complaining.
Heavily the low sky raining
Over towered Camelot;
Down she came and found a boat
Beneath a willow left afloat,
And round about the prow she wrote
The Lady of Shalott

And down the river's dim expanse
Like some bold seer in a trance,
Seeing all his own mischance -
With a glassy countenance
Did she look to Camelot.
And at the closing of the day
She loosed the chain and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her far away,
The Lady of Shalott.

Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darkened wholly,
Turn'd to towered Camelot.
For ere she reach'd upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

Under tower and balcony,
By garden-wall and gallery,
A gleaming shape she floated by,
Dead-pale between the houses high,
Silent into Camelot.
Out upon the wharfs they came,
Knight and Burgher, Lord and Dame,
And round the prow they read her name,
The Lady of Shalott.

Who is this? And what is here?
And in the lighted palace near
Died the sound of royal cheer;
And they crossed themselves for fear,
All the Knights at Camelot;
But Lancelot mused a little space
He said, "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott."

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Monday, April 7, 2008

lucky number 8.

as what i hope will be my last surgery looms nearer, i wonder how much more of my life will be spent with a cast on my arm. not even a pretty cast, but an ugly beige contraption with a cloth sleeve that has a thumbhole that always stretches waaaay out of proportion. grrr.

my back hurts. the muscles get really sore and i know it's from lack of use, titanium rods, scar tissue buildup, yada yada yada, but when will it stop? here i sit, all stooped and bent.

my foot has its days. today was a good one. yesterday was not. it makes me feel like a great-grandma hobbling down the street, or someone with a large shoe to compensate for a club foot. it's amazing how life blows by the disabled, whacking them in the shoulder with its oversized couture shoulder bag. busy bee commuters don't help either >:(

but, it does help me to remember to slow down. smell the roses. look up at the sky and see the harbor mist clouding the top of downtown- seagulls crying as they zoom and float overhead. i stop and notice how people treat one another. who politely waits their turn, who lets the heavy glass door shut in someone's face, who smiles and says "good morning" or "have a nice day"... not very many. they're so busy hustling and bustling. time IS money afterall.

i want to find a field or a meadow and lay out a big soft quilt for a picnic with yummy snacks. to fly kites, make grass bracelets and pick a wildflower bouquet... to play in the tall grass in a sundress and fly through the air on a tire swing.... to run down a wooden dock and jump into the refreshing lake, splashing and laughing.

Friday, April 4, 2008

it's what the French call a certain... I don't know what

life is strange. i feel like i'm daydreaming all the time. life's got the hazy, surreal, 3rd person point of view quality that trips me out. the sun is shining from behind me so that the faces and specifics of my surroundings are so bright i have to shade my eyes...

i read something today and everything clicked:
"we're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. but great moments often catch us unaware- beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one."
(poignant, don't you think?)

i want to say i'm in the throes of ennui, but that's only 78% of the time... the rest is just... ok, well, maybe it's more like 95%.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

the day begins like any other recent day- hitting snooze 4 times before falling out of bed, bleary-eyed, and bed-head so bad i look like an 8 year-old boy...
i get myself ready and make the trek to the hospital (gag) in the freezing weather. i make my way up to the doctor's office to sign in, where i'm told my appointment is not scheduled for 9am like i thought, but for 12:15 (they manage to squeeze me in early, thankfully).
come to find out, i need more (try, 3rd) surgery on my itty bitty wrist. damn bone won't heal, so i have to settle for an invasive (bone grafts and screws and all) surgery to insure usage of my wrist in the future. from that lovely little chat, i head downstairs (into the depths of squallor-ridden hell) to wait (for an hour in an over-crowded waiting room with stinky ass people) to get my labs done- i.e. blood drawn and urine specimen. then, i walk to work in the chilly wind while trying not to burst into tears. all i want to do is call my mom, but i can't because my phone was shut off. i can't even get a delicious triple shot vanilla latte and blueberry muffin from Flat Black because... i have no money! so, i get to work, limping in all my glory... work goes fairly well the whole day until the early evening rolls around. dinner for the office is ordered from CPK and when it gets here, shocker! they forgot my salad. so, i leave work "early" (7:30pm) and limp home crying.

"i think i'll move to australia"...

Sunday, March 23, 2008

which way is Tir na nOg?

my hair is falling out with every handfull i inch closer to the day i don't recognize my own face in the mirror i marvel at how the past ten years have passed like (the snap of my fingers) it seems a lifetime and it seems a blink things i've learned and places i've gone float inside my head faceless and nameless i have memory of the past and no hope for the future i don't know what i did wrong how i ended up where i am my life isn't bad but it's not what i expected life is sink or swim we must do for ourselves come hell or highwater.... but i never had swimming lessons

because D.H Lawrence says so

"i never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
a small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself."

"i am not sure i would always fight for my life.
life might not be worth fighting for.

i am not sure i would always fight for my wife.
a wife isn't always worth fighting for.

nor my children, nor my country, nor my fellow men.
it all depends whether i found them worth fighting for.

the only thing men invariably fight for
is their money. but i doubt if i'd fight for mine,
anyhow not to shed a lot of blood over it.

yet one thing i do fight for, tooth and nail, all the time.
and that is my bit of inward peace, where i am
at one with myself.

and i must say, i am often worsted."

"danny boy"

"Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes, are calling
from glen to glen, and down the mountain side.
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying;
'Tis you, 'tis you must go, and I must bide.
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow,
or when the valley's hushed and white with snow.
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow.
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying,
and I'm dead, as dead I well may be,
you'll come and find the place where I am lying
and kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me.
And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be,
if you'll not fail to tell me that you love me,
I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me."

Sunday, March 16, 2008

"a song to sing when i'm lonely..."

"middle of nowhere"- hot hot heat, "young ned of the hill"- the pogues, "happy little boozer"- korpiklaani, "hail H.I.M"- burning spear, "very well"- wailing souls, "the wind cries mary"- jimi hendrix, "shotgun serenade"- the juliana theory, "golden age"- beck, "break free"- dave matthews band, "we're gonna be friends"- the white stripes, "a song for you"- michael buble, "live here with you"- dusty springfield, "i want you to want me"- dwight yoakam, "some girls do"- sawyer brown, "friendship"- tenacious d, "craig"- stephen lynch, "raver"- steel pulse, "hook"- blues traveler, "the dark don't hide it"- magnolia electric co., "on the radio"- regina spektor, "nobody told me"- john lennon, "i'm no angel"- gregg allman, "stop the train"- peter tosh & friends, "mother mary blues"- bright light fever, "little tiny moustache"- stephen lynch, "springdance"- korpiklaani, "bastards on parade"- dropkick murphys, "baby girl"- sugarland, "passenger seat"- shedaisy, "leave the pieces"- the wreckers, "this one's for the girls"- martina mcbride, "mother's little helper"- the rolling stones, "short song for a short mind"- girls in hawaii, "happy kid"- nada surf, "the great escape"- boys like girls, "back where i come from"- kenny chesney, "new strings"- miranda lambert, "wasted"- carrie underwood, "california"- kenny chesney, "gone country"- alan jackson, "family tradition"- hank williams jr., "she's eveything"- brad paisley, "the raggle taggle gypsy"- the waterboys, "let's steal everything"- world inferno friendship society, "tight squeeze"- the expendibles, "music my rock"- bedouin soundclash, "mondo bongo"- joe strummer & the mescaleros, "reborn"- the living end, "green hell"- pepper, "el scorcho"- weezer, "the zephyr song"- red hot chili peppers, "secret"- howie day, "evening on the ground"- iron & wine, "ragoo"- kings of leon, "news and tributes"- the futureheads, "i sowed love and reaped a heartache"- james carr, "boys from county hell"- the pogues, "pirate song"- go betty go, "forever and ever amen"- randy travis, "i used to love him"- lauryn hill ft mary j blige, "viens avec moi"- devotchka, "what do you do"- the proclaimers, "nowhere man"- the beatles, "baby come back"- player, "step into the light"- darren hayes, "it girl"- brian jonestown massacre, "pushing the sense"- feeder, "wait"- ben kweller, "so long serotonin"- tyler jakes, "in my life"- the beatles, "where we gonna go from here"- mat kearney, "shy"- ani difranco, "emergency"- paramore, "rainbow road"- percy sledge

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

i love pictures... a thousand words and so much more.

... on a sad note...

i found out last night that a guy i went to college with- he was in my class - died last weekend at the age of 27.

he was in arkansas running a marathon and after he crossed the finish line, he collapsed and died... he was in peak physical condition.

if this doesn't make you thank God every morning for another day of life, and inspire you to live every one like it's your last, I know know what does...

RIP: Adam Nickel.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

"the next best thing"

metal bars
life on mars
cassiopeia in stars
healing scars
flying cars
pennies in jars
finding par
feathers and tar
hitchhiking far...
... away

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

i'm a little piggy, here's my snout. oink oink oink


"...And then give me the twenty, and I'll give you the pubes..."

cutest little baby ever!

annie leibovitz & disney

ok, so i stole the idea from Rasket's blog, but i've been seeing these photos in magazines and thought they were amazing! go figure one of the best photographers is behind the magic...

my faves were Rachel Weisz as Snow White and David Beckham as Prince Philip (Scarlett Johanssen as Cinderella was pretty cool too). check out the website for all the photos:



i wish that my intensity and conviction would translate to daytime. i have so many theories and ideas and resolutions at night that dissolve away as i sleep. i think it has something to do with feeling revealed and vulnerable in the light of day. why is that?

i am reading a great book and it has some amazing insights that awake something inside of me, and i think, hey yeah. that sounds right! that sounds like me! how can i translate that into my own life?! i want inner peace and tranquility. the knowledge and understanding that all is right and according to the threads of the universe. there is a place for us all and all we need do is remain silent and still- listen to our hearts and we'll find it... hokey as it may sound, the way liz gilbert writes is true and straight to the heart. it doesnt feel like preaching or patronizing. she is sharing.

i have found my mantra: I AM STRONGER THAN THIS. when i feel doubtful or insecure, i just think this and i feel stillness. almost like an invisible hand stroking my head and comforting me. as far as im concerned, we all need a purpose in this life, otherwise we cannot feel whole. the only problem is finding and melding with that purpose... easier said than done.

Monday, February 18, 2008

they said it best...

"once in a while you get shown the light
in the strangest of places
if you look at it right"
-grateful dead

"you risk tears if you let yourself be tamed..."
-antoine de saint-expery

"afoot and light-hearted
i take to the open road,
healthy, free, the world before me
the long brown path before me
leading wherever i choose"
-walt whitman

"i can resist everything except temptation"
-oscar wilde

"you keep telling me
i'm beautiful
but i feel a little less so each time
your love is
so colorful,
it flashes on like a neon sign.
and i hope i never see
the ocean again
it keeps pulling and pulling at me
as i go deeper and deeper in
i let it surround me
i let it drown me
with your din.
and then i learned how to swim..."
-ani difranco

"most people are not really free. they are confined by the niche in the world that they carve out for themselves. they limit themselves to fewer possibilities by the narrowness of their vision."
-v.s. naipaul

"there is a crack in everything- that's how the light gets in."
- leonard cohen

"one good thing about music- when it hits, you feel no pain"
-bob marley

"the problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-humphrey bogart

"life is a daring adventure, or it is nothing."
-helen keller

i never saw a moor/hope is a thing with feathers

I never saw a Moor-
I never saw the Sea-
Yet I know how the Heather looks
And what a Billow be.

I never spoke with God
Nor visited in Heaven-
Yet certain am I of the spot
As if the Checks were given-


"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
That perches in the soul-
And sings the tune without the words-
And never stops- at all-

And sweetest - in the Gale- is heard-
And sore must be the storm-
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm-

I've heard it in the chillest land-
And on the strangest sea-
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb- of Me.

Emily Dickinson

gonzo, is it?

"freedom is something that dies unless it is used."

"it's a strange world. some people get rich and others eat shit and die."

"i hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity, but they've always worked for me..."

"the edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."

"... the thrust is no longer for 'change' or 'progress' or 'revolution', but merely to escape, to live on the far perimeter of a world that might have been..."

"every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from hollywood to las vegas... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether..."

hunter s. thompson


"the only people for me are the mad ones. the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn burn burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."

“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion..."

“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”

“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.”

“What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”

"Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life. "

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Leap Year- Maria Taylor

Save my money
For that plane ride
Horn of plenty
Heavy sunlight
Autumn's bounty
Bread and red wine
In a hurry
But there's so much time

I will wait for you
Growing love but like water
Time will always slip through
I will wait for you
But please come soon

The wind sounds angry
But my coat's kind
Wrapped in blankets
In the daylight
Winters longing
Summer close behind
In a hurry
But there's so much time

I will wait for you
Growing love but like water
Time will always slip through
I will wait for you

Is it in a plan
Written in your hand
Believe or understand
Something other than

Fear is blinding lights
Squeeze my eyes so tight
Could you make a flower grow
Would you let me know

I will wait for you
Growing love but like water
Time will always slip through
I will wait for you
But please come soon

Saturday, February 16, 2008

into the wee hours of the morn...

so, time is encroaching upon 2am and i lay in bed. awake. third night in a row. im sure my time table/schedule is all off, so im not worried.

it amazes me how my mind decides to click on around 8pm. i think it might have something to do with it getting warmed up. it needs a few warm-up laps to get limber, and my stagnate situation is doing nothing to remedy my gross lack of brain usage. for example, the main feat for today was hopping the T to hit up trader joes- get the red line and connect to the green C line at park st. big whoop. saddest part of all was how i was exhausted when i returned home (granted i was lugging two bags and a backpack many blocks & up b.hill, but still). anyway. wait, what was i talking about?

** insert 5 minute brain fart here **

oh, right. so, my brain gets all active in the pm (maybe it has something to do with the absence of the sun) and i had a little thought: have gender roles/sexuality become more primitive/animal-like in modern times, echoing ear;ier human behaviors? comparative to past human ritual and social structures... we are more physical and sexual in our daily interactions with one another. we take charge of our love/sex lives and take a somewhat aggressive role in making our desires come to fruition. i have to admit, social norms and acceptability play a large role if not a starring one in the way we have evolved. or rather, devolved...? i had so many points to make, and i wrote them down in the back of my sudoku book, but i cant find it right now...

anyway, my point is. i have no point.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

pools of sorrow, waves of joy

Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy

are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai guru deva Jai guru deva...

existential baggage

it's funny how it feels like disappearing is so much easier than rising to the occasion. how do people do it? no wonder there aren't more folk heroes and legends- it's too fucking hard! most of the time i feel like i can take on the world, that i am on the straight and narrow and that my future is just around the corner... then stuff begins to pile up and pile up and before i know it, i'm ready to crash and burn. it's amazing how one mistake/accident can completely and utterly fuck life up. part of me wants to scream and tell life to kiss off while the other part of me wonders about the existential meaning behind the why to life's happenings: everything happens for a reason, i tell myself consolingly...

if there is such a thing as emotional or existential baggage, then i'm on my way to completing a 5 piece louis vitton traveling set. and baby, life does not provide a skycap.

i'd say the biggest question in my life right now is HOW? how do i make things happen? how? speaking in metaphors, if life is a horse race, i'm riding backwards and my horse is off grazing in the pasture...

and to top off this rambling, it's once again the hallmark-iest of holidays. valentine's day. ugh. i loathe this holiday (and no, smartass, it's not because i'm perpetually alone on feb 14) on sheer principle alone. ok, maybe the alone thing has some eensy-weensy thing to do with my loathing, but it's only because it's held to such high standards. it's bad enough us single, unlucky in love folks have to deal with it on a daily basis, but today we get our faces rubbed in it!!!

so, with that, i part to listen to the "across the universe" and "moulin rouge" soundtracks and drink a bottle of wine. in the dark. by myself... cheers.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

blackbird singing in the dead of night...

the weekend i go to buy "across the universe" on dvd is the weekend i realize i only have $19.60 and my dvd player breaks. go f'ing figure. the story of my life...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

don't fear the reaper...

i feel like death (not even warmed over). i cant even bother to clean myself. it's pitiful, really. back to bed...

Friday, February 8, 2008

no rest for the weary.

i have the sands of the Sahara in my eyes and the dryness of Death Valley in my skin...

i am very tired. the whole not sleeping thing is taking its toll i suppose. it's amazing how 7 hours of crap sleep feels like 20 minutes of crap sleep. i watch movies until i think im just about to fall asleep, but as soon as the dvd screen goes dark, my mind starts to wander...

all the bills i have to pay, the debts that just keep mounting up, the lack of income (which is not as easy to fix as it seems), falling, juice, fluffernutters, the role of myth and iconic figures in the settling and development of the American West, unicorns, and laundry... all these things play through my head like a movie reel when all i want is for my brain to switch off and allow me pleasant dreams. heck, id settle for none at all.

i need a nap.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

oh, the blackest of bile

what else is there to feel when you're house-bound on an overcast, snowy winter day other than melancholia?

i want to run down the street screaming- it's so hot in here!

i want to eat tubs of ice cream and shove candy bars into my mouth 3 at a time!

oh, the humanity!!!

Friday, February 1, 2008

I do not know the end of it...


To the First Annual Pity Party!!!

Who: Anyone afflicted with the doldrums

What: A celebration of all things depressing, overwhelming, melancholiac, woeful, lugubrious, and all-around shitty

When: AAAAAAllllllllll day Saturday, Feb 2, 2008

Where: The darkest room in your house/apartment (closets are ideal)

Don't forget to bring: a "poor me"/"why me" attitude, a bottle of your favorite wine (glass optional), a pint of the fattiest ice cream you can find (I recommend B&J's Phish Food), your jammies, and the saddest movie and/or music you can get your hands on.

No need to RSVP. This is a party for 1.

all under 30...

Jeff Buckley, Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, James Dean, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Ian Curtis, Jean Harlow, Buddy Holly, Otis Redding, Brad Renfro, Duane Allman, Mia Zapata, Tim Buckley, Bradley Nowell, Hank Williams...

it never ceases to amaze me.

the crap we have to deal with day in and day out. like, why the fuck do credit card companies let you charge over your alloted limit? why do they call it a "limit" IF YOU CAN SPEND MORE MONEY THAN STATED?!?!

america is supposedly one of the "best" countries in the world, right? ooh, democracy, capitalism... DEBT! yeah, we have lots of freedoms (and im thankful for that), but we are invisibly slaves to credit debt. they pull us in with promises to help ease our financial burdens, but they dont mention that THEY will become our biggest financial enemies of all time- an epic war saga, really. think Beowulf...

they are evil and they will destroy our country:
a) they allow us (and encourage us!) to spend money we don't have
b) once we're in the hole, they harass us about it, like, gee, we let her spend more money than we originally alloted her in her credit limit. i wonder why she can't pay off her bill!
c) they rape us with interest rates- 18-24%... yep, READ THE FINE PRINT ON THE BACK OF THE APPLICATION (could they put it more out of the way?)
d) they develop and nourish an american train of thought that encourages "spend spend spend. it's ok if you don't have the money..." and this perpetuates a way of life where we are constantly fighting to dig ourselves out of a pit of financial despair and break even (at best), and most people ARE OK DOING THIS! we're burying ourselves and we dont even care. wheres the outrage, the picket lines, the protests against these giants of ruin & rubble?

why is it that the problems will never get fixed? hell, they're not even addressed. focus on war in iraq. something without hope of resolving (its a religious genocide, btw, and its been raging for centuries. you really think western troops will fix it with a band-aid?) yeah, go ahead. meanwhile, REAL problems like AMERICAN healthcare, education, debt, etc get tossed by the wayside. afterthoughts of bureaucratic babbling and sermonizing. we're america. let's focus on american problems, you know take the log out of our own eye before we help our brother with the splinter in his... it's not a dis on global community, but we should at least attempt to balance our generosity between our own citizens and the rest of the world (who are rarely grateful for our help anyway) who are too used to playing Harry Handout to help themselves (Mexico want to be Mexicans with American rights and benefits, etc...).

so, i think the day politicians begin to focus on SOLVING problems rather than debating the symptoms and results, is the day we (nationally and globally) might begin to see RESULTS. and having raving morons like al gore out there DOES NOT HELP.

el fin.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

how do i hate thee, let me count the ways...

dirty dishes
posers/wannabes/scenesters/people that try too hard
women that perpetuate misogynistic views
slow walkers/drivers
jagged nails
people with no concept of personal space
italian soccer
global capitalism
bad food
fashion magazines
peyton manning
professional US sports
teenagers (as a demographic)

Monday, January 28, 2008