Sunday, February 24, 2008

"the next best thing"

metal bars
life on mars
cassiopeia in stars
healing scars
flying cars
pennies in jars
finding par
feathers and tar
hitchhiking far...
... away

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

i'm a little piggy, here's my snout. oink oink oink

"...And then give me the twenty, and I'll give you the pubes..."

cutest little baby ever!

annie leibovitz & disney

ok, so i stole the idea from Rasket's blog, but i've been seeing these photos in magazines and thought they were amazing! go figure one of the best photographers is behind the magic...

my faves were Rachel Weisz as Snow White and David Beckham as Prince Philip (Scarlett Johanssen as Cinderella was pretty cool too). check out the website for all the photos:


i wish that my intensity and conviction would translate to daytime. i have so many theories and ideas and resolutions at night that dissolve away as i sleep. i think it has something to do with feeling revealed and vulnerable in the light of day. why is that?

i am reading a great book and it has some amazing insights that awake something inside of me, and i think, hey yeah. that sounds right! that sounds like me! how can i translate that into my own life?! i want inner peace and tranquility. the knowledge and understanding that all is right and according to the threads of the universe. there is a place for us all and all we need do is remain silent and still- listen to our hearts and we'll find it... hokey as it may sound, the way liz gilbert writes is true and straight to the heart. it doesnt feel like preaching or patronizing. she is sharing.

i have found my mantra: I AM STRONGER THAN THIS. when i feel doubtful or insecure, i just think this and i feel stillness. almost like an invisible hand stroking my head and comforting me. as far as im concerned, we all need a purpose in this life, otherwise we cannot feel whole. the only problem is finding and melding with that purpose... easier said than done.

Monday, February 18, 2008

they said it best...

"once in a while you get shown the light
in the strangest of places
if you look at it right"
-grateful dead

"you risk tears if you let yourself be tamed..."
-antoine de saint-expery

"afoot and light-hearted
i take to the open road,
healthy, free, the world before me
the long brown path before me
leading wherever i choose"
-walt whitman

"i can resist everything except temptation"
-oscar wilde

"you keep telling me
i'm beautiful
but i feel a little less so each time
your love is
so colorful,
it flashes on like a neon sign.
and i hope i never see
the ocean again
it keeps pulling and pulling at me
as i go deeper and deeper in
i let it surround me
i let it drown me
with your din.
and then i learned how to swim..."
-ani difranco

"most people are not really free. they are confined by the niche in the world that they carve out for themselves. they limit themselves to fewer possibilities by the narrowness of their vision."
-v.s. naipaul

"there is a crack in everything- that's how the light gets in."
- leonard cohen

"one good thing about music- when it hits, you feel no pain"
-bob marley

"the problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-humphrey bogart

"life is a daring adventure, or it is nothing."
-helen keller

i never saw a moor/hope is a thing with feathers

I never saw a Moor-
I never saw the Sea-
Yet I know how the Heather looks
And what a Billow be.

I never spoke with God
Nor visited in Heaven-
Yet certain am I of the spot
As if the Checks were given-


"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
That perches in the soul-
And sings the tune without the words-
And never stops- at all-

And sweetest - in the Gale- is heard-
And sore must be the storm-
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm-

I've heard it in the chillest land-
And on the strangest sea-
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb- of Me.

Emily Dickinson

gonzo, is it?

"freedom is something that dies unless it is used."

"it's a strange world. some people get rich and others eat shit and die."

"i hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity, but they've always worked for me..."

"the edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."

"... the thrust is no longer for 'change' or 'progress' or 'revolution', but merely to escape, to live on the far perimeter of a world that might have been..."

"every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from hollywood to las vegas... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether..."

hunter s. thompson


"the only people for me are the mad ones. the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn burn burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."

“I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion..."

“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”

“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.”

“What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”

"Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life. "

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Leap Year- Maria Taylor

Save my money
For that plane ride
Horn of plenty
Heavy sunlight
Autumn's bounty
Bread and red wine
In a hurry
But there's so much time

I will wait for you
Growing love but like water
Time will always slip through
I will wait for you
But please come soon

The wind sounds angry
But my coat's kind
Wrapped in blankets
In the daylight
Winters longing
Summer close behind
In a hurry
But there's so much time

I will wait for you
Growing love but like water
Time will always slip through
I will wait for you

Is it in a plan
Written in your hand
Believe or understand
Something other than

Fear is blinding lights
Squeeze my eyes so tight
Could you make a flower grow
Would you let me know

I will wait for you
Growing love but like water
Time will always slip through
I will wait for you
But please come soon

Saturday, February 16, 2008

into the wee hours of the morn...

so, time is encroaching upon 2am and i lay in bed. awake. third night in a row. im sure my time table/schedule is all off, so im not worried.

it amazes me how my mind decides to click on around 8pm. i think it might have something to do with it getting warmed up. it needs a few warm-up laps to get limber, and my stagnate situation is doing nothing to remedy my gross lack of brain usage. for example, the main feat for today was hopping the T to hit up trader joes- get the red line and connect to the green C line at park st. big whoop. saddest part of all was how i was exhausted when i returned home (granted i was lugging two bags and a backpack many blocks & up b.hill, but still). anyway. wait, what was i talking about?

** insert 5 minute brain fart here **

oh, right. so, my brain gets all active in the pm (maybe it has something to do with the absence of the sun) and i had a little thought: have gender roles/sexuality become more primitive/animal-like in modern times, echoing ear;ier human behaviors? comparative to past human ritual and social structures... we are more physical and sexual in our daily interactions with one another. we take charge of our love/sex lives and take a somewhat aggressive role in making our desires come to fruition. i have to admit, social norms and acceptability play a large role if not a starring one in the way we have evolved. or rather, devolved...? i had so many points to make, and i wrote them down in the back of my sudoku book, but i cant find it right now...

anyway, my point is. i have no point.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

pools of sorrow, waves of joy

Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy

are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which
dance before me like a million eyes
That call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a
restless wind inside a letter box
they tumble blindly as
they make their way across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life
are ringing through my open ears
exciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which
shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai guru deva Jai guru deva...

existential baggage

it's funny how it feels like disappearing is so much easier than rising to the occasion. how do people do it? no wonder there aren't more folk heroes and legends- it's too fucking hard! most of the time i feel like i can take on the world, that i am on the straight and narrow and that my future is just around the corner... then stuff begins to pile up and pile up and before i know it, i'm ready to crash and burn. it's amazing how one mistake/accident can completely and utterly fuck life up. part of me wants to scream and tell life to kiss off while the other part of me wonders about the existential meaning behind the why to life's happenings: everything happens for a reason, i tell myself consolingly...

if there is such a thing as emotional or existential baggage, then i'm on my way to completing a 5 piece louis vitton traveling set. and baby, life does not provide a skycap.

i'd say the biggest question in my life right now is HOW? how do i make things happen? how? speaking in metaphors, if life is a horse race, i'm riding backwards and my horse is off grazing in the pasture...

and to top off this rambling, it's once again the hallmark-iest of holidays. valentine's day. ugh. i loathe this holiday (and no, smartass, it's not because i'm perpetually alone on feb 14) on sheer principle alone. ok, maybe the alone thing has some eensy-weensy thing to do with my loathing, but it's only because it's held to such high standards. it's bad enough us single, unlucky in love folks have to deal with it on a daily basis, but today we get our faces rubbed in it!!!

so, with that, i part to listen to the "across the universe" and "moulin rouge" soundtracks and drink a bottle of wine. in the dark. by myself... cheers.


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

blackbird singing in the dead of night...

the weekend i go to buy "across the universe" on dvd is the weekend i realize i only have $19.60 and my dvd player breaks. go f'ing figure. the story of my life...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

don't fear the reaper...

i feel like death (not even warmed over). i cant even bother to clean myself. it's pitiful, really. back to bed...

Friday, February 8, 2008

no rest for the weary.

i have the sands of the Sahara in my eyes and the dryness of Death Valley in my skin...

i am very tired. the whole not sleeping thing is taking its toll i suppose. it's amazing how 7 hours of crap sleep feels like 20 minutes of crap sleep. i watch movies until i think im just about to fall asleep, but as soon as the dvd screen goes dark, my mind starts to wander...

all the bills i have to pay, the debts that just keep mounting up, the lack of income (which is not as easy to fix as it seems), falling, juice, fluffernutters, the role of myth and iconic figures in the settling and development of the American West, unicorns, and laundry... all these things play through my head like a movie reel when all i want is for my brain to switch off and allow me pleasant dreams. heck, id settle for none at all.

i need a nap.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

oh, the blackest of bile

what else is there to feel when you're house-bound on an overcast, snowy winter day other than melancholia?

i want to run down the street screaming- it's so hot in here!

i want to eat tubs of ice cream and shove candy bars into my mouth 3 at a time!

oh, the humanity!!!

Friday, February 1, 2008

I do not know the end of it...


To the First Annual Pity Party!!!

Who: Anyone afflicted with the doldrums

What: A celebration of all things depressing, overwhelming, melancholiac, woeful, lugubrious, and all-around shitty

When: AAAAAAllllllllll day Saturday, Feb 2, 2008

Where: The darkest room in your house/apartment (closets are ideal)

Don't forget to bring: a "poor me"/"why me" attitude, a bottle of your favorite wine (glass optional), a pint of the fattiest ice cream you can find (I recommend B&J's Phish Food), your jammies, and the saddest movie and/or music you can get your hands on.

No need to RSVP. This is a party for 1.

all under 30...

Jeff Buckley, Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, James Dean, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Ian Curtis, Jean Harlow, Buddy Holly, Otis Redding, Brad Renfro, Duane Allman, Mia Zapata, Tim Buckley, Bradley Nowell, Hank Williams...

it never ceases to amaze me.

the crap we have to deal with day in and day out. like, why the fuck do credit card companies let you charge over your alloted limit? why do they call it a "limit" IF YOU CAN SPEND MORE MONEY THAN STATED?!?!

america is supposedly one of the "best" countries in the world, right? ooh, democracy, capitalism... DEBT! yeah, we have lots of freedoms (and im thankful for that), but we are invisibly slaves to credit debt. they pull us in with promises to help ease our financial burdens, but they dont mention that THEY will become our biggest financial enemies of all time- an epic war saga, really. think Beowulf...

they are evil and they will destroy our country:
a) they allow us (and encourage us!) to spend money we don't have
b) once we're in the hole, they harass us about it, like, gee, we let her spend more money than we originally alloted her in her credit limit. i wonder why she can't pay off her bill!
c) they rape us with interest rates- 18-24%... yep, READ THE FINE PRINT ON THE BACK OF THE APPLICATION (could they put it more out of the way?)
d) they develop and nourish an american train of thought that encourages "spend spend spend. it's ok if you don't have the money..." and this perpetuates a way of life where we are constantly fighting to dig ourselves out of a pit of financial despair and break even (at best), and most people ARE OK DOING THIS! we're burying ourselves and we dont even care. wheres the outrage, the picket lines, the protests against these giants of ruin & rubble?

why is it that the problems will never get fixed? hell, they're not even addressed. focus on war in iraq. something without hope of resolving (its a religious genocide, btw, and its been raging for centuries. you really think western troops will fix it with a band-aid?) yeah, go ahead. meanwhile, REAL problems like AMERICAN healthcare, education, debt, etc get tossed by the wayside. afterthoughts of bureaucratic babbling and sermonizing. we're america. let's focus on american problems, you know take the log out of our own eye before we help our brother with the splinter in his... it's not a dis on global community, but we should at least attempt to balance our generosity between our own citizens and the rest of the world (who are rarely grateful for our help anyway) who are too used to playing Harry Handout to help themselves (Mexico want to be Mexicans with American rights and benefits, etc...).

so, i think the day politicians begin to focus on SOLVING problems rather than debating the symptoms and results, is the day we (nationally and globally) might begin to see RESULTS. and having raving morons like al gore out there DOES NOT HELP.

el fin.