Thursday, February 14, 2008

existential baggage

it's funny how it feels like disappearing is so much easier than rising to the occasion. how do people do it? no wonder there aren't more folk heroes and legends- it's too fucking hard! most of the time i feel like i can take on the world, that i am on the straight and narrow and that my future is just around the corner... then stuff begins to pile up and pile up and before i know it, i'm ready to crash and burn. it's amazing how one mistake/accident can completely and utterly fuck life up. part of me wants to scream and tell life to kiss off while the other part of me wonders about the existential meaning behind the why to life's happenings: everything happens for a reason, i tell myself consolingly...

if there is such a thing as emotional or existential baggage, then i'm on my way to completing a 5 piece louis vitton traveling set. and baby, life does not provide a skycap.

i'd say the biggest question in my life right now is HOW? how do i make things happen? how? speaking in metaphors, if life is a horse race, i'm riding backwards and my horse is off grazing in the pasture...

and to top off this rambling, it's once again the hallmark-iest of holidays. valentine's day. ugh. i loathe this holiday (and no, smartass, it's not because i'm perpetually alone on feb 14) on sheer principle alone. ok, maybe the alone thing has some eensy-weensy thing to do with my loathing, but it's only because it's held to such high standards. it's bad enough us single, unlucky in love folks have to deal with it on a daily basis, but today we get our faces rubbed in it!!!

so, with that, i part to listen to the "across the universe" and "moulin rouge" soundtracks and drink a bottle of wine. in the dark. by myself... cheers.


No comments: